Blast from the Past

Going thru my scrapbook recently I came across a poem I wrote to the Women at the Round Lake Women's retreat as it was called back then. It was a poem that made it to my scrapbook because of what the act behind it meant to me. From 1978 to 1990 I was disabled with epilespy. I had uncontrolled seizures daily that prevented me from doing things while at the same time made other things difficult to do. The women of the church would take me to the Women's Retreat and watch over me in case I had a seizure. Which in my case was frequently throughout the day.

In 1986 at this particular retreat I evidently had several seizures in a row. Each time I did I would wet my pants. After a certain amount of seizures I ran out of spare clothes to wear. After the last seizures I had when I noticed the clothes I was wearing I asked the ladies what happened. This was something I always had to do in order to find out what I did during my seizures. They told me I had wet my pants again so they had to hand wash my other clothes and blow them dry with one of the ladies hair blow dryers as quick as they could.

This act of kindness has never left me till this day as I type these words thru flowing tears. Back when I had epilepsy I wrote poems to keep my mind focused on things other than seizures. They may not have been great poems or drawings I did with them but they were terrific for the purpose they served. This is the poem I wrote in gratitude to the ladies for what they did in 1986.

Truly an act of kindness the women of the church continue to do today and I'm proud to be a part of them. Being cured from my epilepsy now for over 20 years I can now give to others what was given to me. It may be slowed down a little bit by my recent onset of Breast and Bone cancer but I still have the ability to give. We all have that ability to give, it doesn't take someone healthy, rich, or wise. All it takes is a caring giving heart.


MY POEM (I will not correct any grammar, I'm leaving it as I wrote it) Christian love has a value, a value all its own. Something worth the treasuring a thing that is worthy to loan. And I was honored to get this loan from my sisters at Women's Retreat The day I had a seizure and was as embarassed as all could be. For thru my seizure I wet my pants and felt so like a fool. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing, try as I did to be cool. My sisters showed their love for me when they took my dirty wet pants And blowed them with a hair blow dryer which made my heart just dance. So thank you sisters for this loan, I pray I'll pay it all back, Giving all I can to you till nothing between us lacks. Thank you friends, I love you. Karen

I Think I'm having Stress~~ pillar of strength

The emotional "cancer" weekend I was having had followed me into the church come Sunday morning. Knowing I was a little, ok, a lot on the emotional side I had extra Kleenex nearby. Also nearby I had to make sure I formed my own row in the back. Because I am unable to sit and stand very long in the chairs I soon need assistance getting up and down. In order to utilize the church pillar for such a task for the morning worship service I make sure I pull up my own chair next to it and so begins my worship time with the Lord.

Once as I was lifting myself for a song I got to thinking about how I wished my husband was there beside me. With that thought the tears began to pour. The last place my husband wanted to be was in church with me. So again I was all alone as I had been for over thirty years. Obviously my diagnosis of cancer wasn't going to change that.

Looking at other women holding on to their husbands I couldn't help but cry as I held on to the pillar beside. Convincing myself to "Suck it up and not lose it" I decided if that's all I had at my side to lean on then so be it. Truth be known that pillar wasn't all I had to lean on. I had Christ as well. Squeezing past the desire to wallow in self-pity I stood proudly next to my stronghold. To the outside world it looked like a church pillar but from the inside out it was truly Jesus that was keeping me upright.

One tear at a time one ounce of strength at a time. As much as Satan would like us to think it, we are never totally alone when we have Jesus. It can sure feel like it and as we look out at others we get ourselves trapped in the comparison muck and mire that brings our stress level up and our strength down.

Who knows the unmarried lady next door to me could have been looking at me and saying, "At least she has someone waiting for her at home." We need to stand strong and hold on to Jesus and let the rest of life fall around that poise as we increase Jesus' influence in our lives and decrease stress.

I Think I'm Having Stress ~~~~~ Don't Worry

Mt 6:25, 27, 32, 33,34 Therefore I say to you do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, or what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? For your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be add to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

 

It has been said if you are going to worry then don’t pray and if you are going to pray then don’t worry. Like anything else we can’t have it both ways. We can’t have our cake and eat it too as they say. When God tells us to not worry about tomorrow then we shouldn’t worry about tomorrow.

 

The hard part about not worrying is not worrying. That makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? But it’s true. From a person who has the tendency to worry it’s hard not to when you have been in situations before and you know what is coming. For example, the wife waiting for her drunk husband to come home. She knows his abusive behavior and therefore anticipates what is to come. She worries about what degree of cruelty his behavior will be that particular night.

 

In such a case it’s hard not to worry. To her I guess you’d have to say, “just trust in the Lord. That no matter what degree of severity your husband’s behavior is the Lord will be watching over you.” You could also look at it in the aspect that worrying is not going to change what is to come. Worrying about how he will behave won’t change his behavior. We can anticipate perhaps what is to come but keep our eyes on Jesus instead of what we fear are approaching.

 

Perhaps together we can figure out what we can do to avoid worrying about something like this and prepare ourselves in a better way. We may not know what we should be doing but we definitely know what we shouldn’t do and that is 1) worry 2) Get mad 3) run from it 4) Hide from it 5) Give in. Just making up our minds before the return of the alcoholic spouse that we are not going to do any of these things gets us ahead on the behavior we are after in Christ.

 

Have you ever heard, “I’m sorry I can’t help but worry about it?” Often we look at worrying as our sacred right or duty. That if we don’t worry about something then we don’t care. These are lies from Satan we need to stay away from. It takes us out of the healthy balance we need to maintain in our lives.

 

We may worry about our child who is driving over the mountain pass for the first time or about grandma who was diagnosed with cancer. These are things that are natural for us to worry about or be concerned over. It’s when we take it too far and stop trusting in Jesus as we try to borrow from tomorrow even more worries then we’ve gone too far. We just need to make up our minds that we are going to pray and leave it all in the hands of the Lord and trust Him to deal with it as He sees fit.

 

“Well what if my alcoholic husband hits me or grandma’s cancer gets worse?” We still are required to trust. Worry about these situations will not change them one bit but trusting God will. God may not see fit to stop the alcoholic husband or cure the cancerous grandma but we need to know in our hearts He knows best. Being concerned is great but worrying beyond our ability to trust in God is not a good thing.

 

We need to exercise our faith instead of allowing our worries to flop us around like a flag whipping in the wind that becomes tattered and torn. Worry doesn’t add anything to the situation but usually more trouble and each day has enough trouble of its own! Amen? Amen!!

 

 

**When I had epilepsy and had to deal with my stress seizures I couldn’t worry about anything without having a seizure. If I wanted to overcome my stress seizures and possibly be cured of my seizures I couldn’t worry about nothing. Everything had to go straight into the hands of God without me playing with it first for days and weeks on end. I had to immediately hand it over to God and allow Him to take care of things. It took five years of practice but I managed to get it done and the cure for my epilepsy came as a reward for my efforts.

 

© 2012 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing for COCWF

Message from God

As I stood in church enjoying the morning worship music my physical body finally gave in long before my spirit was ready to sit down. Edging myself down to the seat I placed my Bible on my lap and proceeded to sing with the crowd around me. In the middle of the song my Bible vibrated as if it was my cellphone telling me a message had come in.

 

For a split second I thought maybe I did have my phone sitting under my Bible causing it to vibrate. Looking around I found my phone in my purse on the floor near my feet. Several times the Bible vibrated before I finally figured out what it was. Due to the sound system in the church and the volume in which they were running it, whenever they started to sing it created a vibration in my Bible.

 

The more I thought about it the more I looked down at the Bible in my hand. There it was before me larger than my cellphone smaller than my computer loaded with more messages than either of the other two could ever handle. As a smile came upon my face my imagination took flight as I thought about what it would be like if it too vibrated every time it had a message to send. It would never stop as it would be set on permanent vibrate.

 

The sad difference between the Bible and the cellphone and computer is our response to them. Whenever our phone goes off we instantly reach for it to check what the message would be. We excuse ourselves from the table, we leave the office room, and we stop in the middle of a conversation just to check our messages. We can't seem to get to them quick enough. We panic when we can’t find our phone; we need it beside us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When there is a pause in life we instantly bring out our phones to check or send messages, to play games, or to entertain us in some ways.

 

However, with our Bible we don't respond that quickly at all. We ignore all messages. We don't carry it around with us in our hip pocket like we do our phone. The chances of us “butt dialing” someone thru it is rare. We seem to be able to live without it on a daily basis. It’s the last thing we think about when we have a pause in life. It’s something that collects dust on the shelf quicker than the family photo. A necessity in life that isn’t needed 24/7 but on Sunday’s only if that. You will never see someone panic that they “can’t find their Bible!”

 

Bringing my imagination back to the scene of the crime I began to wonder what message God had for me today. Was I going to sit there and stare at my cellphone or was I going to open up God’s word and hear what He had to say. I opened God’s word. Often opening up your Bible and randomly letting your eyes fall where they may doesn’t always work but it works enough to give us our messages from God.

 

For this Sunday morning the message that had come in thru my Bible was the message the Preacher was talking about that very day. He talked about the various reasons why people just don’t get the message of God. His reasons were totally different than my cellphone analogy but we were both pretty much traveling down the same path.

 

His reasons were: 1) the lack of information 2) a hard heart 3) lack of desire to hear and learn 4) Unwilling to accept a new reality 5) Fear of “if I let go of my truth how do I know God’s truth will save me.” 6) The fact that we love our sin more than we do the thought of a “new life” without it.

 

 

The message of the day was to believe. Believing is something we do and keep on doing. It’s a choice that is involved in all other choices. Believing that God will see us thru anything in life, whether it is cancer, troubled relationships, work, our daily desires and passions, grandchildren issues, or anything else we need to believe.

 

We need to put our trust in the one that has everything in control. As much as it doesn’t feel like that in certain moments we come upon it’s the truth and it’s what we have to hold on to. Our message, our strength, our guiding light in a darken world. It’s time to take our Bibles off “vibrate” and turn the volume up in order to hear, listen to, and learn. When we let the dust settle on our Bibles we allow it to settle in our hearts as well.

 

1 John 4:4 “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them (the spirit of the Antichrist), because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”

 

There’s our message. There’s our truth.

 

 

© 2012 Karen J. Gillett at Pencil Marks and Recipes         for  COCWF