Round Lake

Round Lake

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I Think I'm having Stress~~ pillar of strength

The emotional "cancer" weekend I was having had followed me into the church come Sunday morning. Knowing I was a little, ok, a lot on the emotional side I had extra Kleenex nearby. Also nearby I had to make sure I formed my own row in the back. Because I am unable to sit and stand very long in the chairs I soon need assistance getting up and down. In order to utilize the church pillar for such a task for the morning worship service I make sure I pull up my own chair next to it and so begins my worship time with the Lord.

Once as I was lifting myself for a song I got to thinking about how I wished my husband was there beside me. With that thought the tears began to pour. The last place my husband wanted to be was in church with me. So again I was all alone as I had been for over thirty years. Obviously my diagnosis of cancer wasn't going to change that.

Looking at other women holding on to their husbands I couldn't help but cry as I held on to the pillar beside. Convincing myself to "Suck it up and not lose it" I decided if that's all I had at my side to lean on then so be it. Truth be known that pillar wasn't all I had to lean on. I had Christ as well. Squeezing past the desire to wallow in self-pity I stood proudly next to my stronghold. To the outside world it looked like a church pillar but from the inside out it was truly Jesus that was keeping me upright.

One tear at a time one ounce of strength at a time. As much as Satan would like us to think it, we are never totally alone when we have Jesus. It can sure feel like it and as we look out at others we get ourselves trapped in the comparison muck and mire that brings our stress level up and our strength down.

Who knows the unmarried lady next door to me could have been looking at me and saying, "At least she has someone waiting for her at home." We need to stand strong and hold on to Jesus and let the rest of life fall around that poise as we increase Jesus' influence in our lives and decrease stress.

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